This was one of those times in movement when I question what am I doing, why am I moving this way, it is ridiculous, just stop. Nothing seemed to make sense or be in the least bit interesting. After 25 minutes, I called it quits.
Roll out of bed (literally) crawl to empty room (almost empty), lie down in CRP. Ah the familiar earth that supports and holds me. I play with gravity, stretching arms and legs out into space. I feel like an upside down table. My body is at home rolling, staying still, rolling. Vulnerability arises from the depths of my body….I leave the room, I re-enter. I leave the room, I re-enter. How many times sara are you going to leave and return?? I hear Bach, light, spirited, let it guide my bones, moving little Bach dances.
A string of Indian summer days that have been so glorious …. I cannot be inside, so I go down to the pond’s edge, rest for a while in CRP, breathing in and out, listening to the bugs and rustling of leaves in the breeze. Slowly I begin to gesture and measure with my upper limbs, my feet anchoring me on the ground, my head heavy on the earth, my ears like spiral shells hearing so much. I lower myself into the long grasses, amazed and moved by the beauty.
Late start, the clock and I seem to have a disagreement as to what time it is! I am up. Look outside, feeling the desire to move outside. It is pouring, really pouring. Stay inside… Rocking, swaying, aware of the length of my arms… I play with rolling over to one side stretch arm out, lift head, rotate and quick sweep on the arm to roll to other side… work on comfort of movement. not just the difficulty of it…can difficult movements be comfortable? Hannah is moving at the same time. This makes moving and being here more desirable.
The sun floods in, making panels of light and warmth halfway into the house. I lie on my right side, surfaces of edges of hand, forearm, underarm, rib, pelvis, thigh, calf, ankle, foot in contact with the floor. Reaching into space towards the west. Balancing on the balls of my feet and hands, letting go of the earth with my hands, then catching self, catching balance, quivering, playing with teeter. Vertical, I am jubilant in speed, flinging (almost) my self about. Later, I cry, waves of sobbing. I have come to accept my un-named grief without the need to pin it on anything. Shortly it is over and so is the dance. 28 minutes on the floor for this beautiful day.
I let the rythym of the rain move me. Stay standing, it could be interesting, besides, that way u will stay awake. I sit on the green ball, start little pelvic dances….small movements, trying to find the tail….i am aware of the bone meeting the ball…of my skin….a sheath of protection. Whoops, too early to go upside down..so I practice unfolding…rediscover the length of my body…it feels so good to stretch out….
Last night it rained and blew very hard. I was unable to sleep until after midnight…3 trees down… everything washed by the rain and scoured by the wind, including my attention span. I try one piece of music on low and don’t like it. I can’t seems to focus for more than two seconds. The cluster flies distract me even though there are only three. The panels of sun draw me and I lie down, waiting. After 10 minutes it is clear that my time on the floor is done for today.
I am standing in stillness, just standing. I stay for a while, standing with the thoughts of gratitude …I notice tension enter the body… breathe sara breathe. I slowly go to the floor. Yesterday, remembering environmental work, waking up early, going to the parking garage and working in the basement. I would roll down the ramp, jump on the fence, run, stop, turn and fall down…some bruises were evidence of my imagination.
my first attempt at dancing ‘ long distance’… felt a little strange… a new beginning…. becoming acquainted with a much diminished body…thank you for allowing me to join you two.